He’s too old, now
for constant monitoring,
he who uses men’s rooms alone
and cusses with his friends.
So I compromise,
sitting with my back to the window
to keep myself from spying,
but still peeking through the sheer curtains
now and then.
Outside,
he wraps himself in the chrysalis
of the blue nylon hammock,
oversized feet dangling from the sides
like a
He kicks them sharply
deliberately,
lanky toes pressed together,
perfectly pointed.
Earlier,
I had suggested that he hold his eyes closed
and allow his tears to wash the dust from them.
“I can cry whenever I want,”
he said.
“I only have to think of the sad things in my life.”
I realized
in that moment
that there is nothing so terrible
as my powerlessness to protect him.
He drops his book to the ground
and folds himself inside.
I have never tried it
but I can imagine that the sunlight shines blue
through the thin fabric.
Some lovely imagery here -- also, very strong feeling of what it means to be a child, and an adult who wants to care for him as though he were still completely dependent on her care but knows better. One comment -- last stanza needs to include the hammock again somehow -- as it reads, it's as if he's folding himself into the book, nearly -- the 'thin fabric' didn't quite get it for me re: figuring out exactly what this alluded to. Just a comment...
ReplyDeleteGood feedback, Stephania! Interesting that the last stanza didn't feel complete for you, as I had a near exact opposite experience. I consciously enjoyed that the hammock wasn't spelled out to the reader. I wonder if the "I realized" line isn't actually too overt, next to the rest of the poem. The sentiment could be heightened by leaving out the expository "I realized then" and just letting the emotions ride:
ReplyDelete(cut-that) there is nothing so terrible
as my powerlessness to protect him.
Though to flesh out the stanza perhaps you could list a few terrible (metaphorically) things first.
A heartfelt poem, quite beautiful!
Thanks for the feedback! I forgot to check for comments initially!
ReplyDeleteI originally had a reference to the hammock again in the last stanza - I called it a cocoon - but it seemed to take away from the chrysalis imagery so I decided to go minimal...
I hear you about the "I realized" but think I'll keep it because I want the reader to understand the sharpness of the moment. It wasn't so much a gradual feeling of helplessness as a swift kick to the gut...
Thanks so much!!